Gods joy moves from unmarked box to unmarked box,
from cell to cell. As rainwater, down to flowerbed.
As roses, up from the ground.
Now it looks like a place of rice and fish,
now a cliff covered with vines,
now a horse being saddled.
It hides within these,
till one day it cracks them open.
– Rumi
Sometimes watching everyone else go to work at 9am and realizing that you don’t have anywhere to be at anytime is one of the best things in life that is free.
So I’ll admit it on here, maybe not out loud or in person, but I feel like if I send something out on here I don’t have to accept the ramifications of my actions. This morning I listened to Guns n Roses ‘You’re Crazy’ close to 30 times on repeat and it made me feel really really happy. When a band says everything you want to say in just one song, repeating phrases over and over it’s one of my many vices, I feel a tiny bit guilty but not really. So I got out of bed, early, which by the way when you are sort of on holidays is such a good feeling and I grabbed my laptop and keys and headed for home, coffee home that is.. and began to write again.
Sometimes there are things that block you from doing the things that you love, and it’s frustrating as all hell. But there are reasons for it, reasons that are actually really good for you, despite how bad it makes you feel. Reasons that force you to be uncomfortable, irrational, skeptical, hateful and emotional all at the same time. But these reasons force you whether you like it or not to analyse yourself. To realize that when you cross the road halfway down the street to avoid crossing where all the normal people cross because you hate people waiting for you to cross the street, that actually makes no sense and is crazy. And maybe that’s the only thing that you learn about yourself that day, but you think about all the things you do on a daily basis that pinpoint your insecurities, and you battle it out like hell to overcome. Determined to be stronger, to let that yourself figure it out, even if you just realize that on a Monday you do 25 things based on the opinions of other people that are unhealthy. So you set goals to reduce this number.
I’m a person who likes to be a regular, to have a place where people know you, and know exactly what you feel like even before you decide what you feel like. It has now become a luxury of mine, to order coffee and to have it be exactly the same every single morning. Maybe I’m insane but we crave mutual belonging wherever we go, especially in this city where everyone seems to battle it out each day just to find their place. Coffee for me is that one thing that seems to be universal wherever you go, no matter the city, or the people or even how they make their coffee, it’s the thing that helps me write, it helps me make sense of the world and I’m ok with that.
So this morning I’m ever thankful that I have a regular place to get coffee in the morning, they have free wifi which helps and the most lovely baristas. I’m thankful that I’m a morning person, this also helps. I’m thankful that I’ve been uncomfortable for a while, because that is the only thing that forces you to change, unfortunately.
As the days pass us by quickly it seems as though summer only just started. But good friends and good times make anything seem to flash past you quicker then you can catch it.
Here are some of the recent summer days.
Guess who slept in past 8.30am on a weekday.. Hell yes. Time to celebrate
Liberty in the basement light
Free speech, lipstick and the moonlight
Howling to get me, howlin’ to get you
In Harlem, in a dark back room
Dancing to a different tune
Howling at me, howling at you
– Cat Power
